ICD-11: F42.9x - Git-Induced Cognitive Overclocking (GICO)

Figure 1: Neural visualization of Git-induced cognitive overclocking (GICO). Purple streams indicate active branch processing; golden nodes represent dopamine release upon successful merge. Patient reports "feeling productive and slightly unhinged."

A newly documented neuro-computational anomaly affecting individuals exposed to prolonged Git workflow rituals, recursive DevOps loops, or developers who say "just rebase it" with a level of calm that suggests supernatural dissociation.

Definition:
A neuro-computational condition in which an otherwise functional adult begins to mentally version-control their entire existence. Symptoms emerge after prolonged exposure to Git, GitHub, or developers who say "just rebase it" with suspicious ease.

Symptoms

• Spontaneous urges to "refactor your life"
• Narrating your tasks as commits
• Dreaming in branches
• Mild panic at unmerged realities
• Dopamine spikes when seeing "Merged"

Core Diagnostic Criteria

• Dreams containing commit, push, or merge conflict
• Compulsive emotion-stashing
• Branch names like fix-sanity-v2-final-FINAL
• Life events handled as PRs
• Joy triggered by green checkmarks

Differential Diagnoses

• Kubernetes-delusional disorder (pods everywhere)
• Terraform existential fatigue
• Chronic JSON-induced despair

Treatment

1. Accept the condition - resistance creates merge conflicts.
2. Do not rebase actual emotions.
3. Avoid Kubernetes enthusiasts.
4. Sleep (RAM cleanup).

Prognosis

Excellent. Individuals often become extremely competent and mildly unhinged.

---

Lyrics: Git-Yo-Logic

[Intro]
All that DevOps gibberish circles in my mind...

[Verse 1]
Push it! Pull it! Clone the repo!
Add it! Commit it! Here we go!
Switch it! Diff it! Stash it! Pop it!
Merge it! Branch it! Just don't stop it!

[Chorus]
Git-yo-logic! (Wow!)
Git-yo-logic! (Pow!)
Git-yo-logic! (Now!)

[Verse 2]
Rebase it! Squash it! Cherry-pick!
Fetch it! Fork it! Quick fix!
Log it! Show it! Blame it on Dave!
Tag it! Push it! Behave!

[Chorus]
Git-yo-logic! (Hey!)
Git-yo-logic! (Okay!)
Git-yo-logic! (Yay!)

[Bridge]
UNICORN! Deploys at dawn!
DAEMONS! In the lawn!
KUBECTL! Make pods play!
TERRAFORM! Save the day!
DOCKER! Build the box!
GIT SERVER! Guard the locks!

[Drop]
PUSH IT! PULL IT! CLONE IT! FIX IT!
SWITCH IT! DIFF IT! ADD, COMMIT IT!
CHERRY-PICK IT! FETCH IT! FORK IT!
SQUASH IT! BRANCH IT! QUICK REBASE IT!

[Outro]
git commit -m *drops mic*